last night, i made a rare dream. dreams, are freaking rare to me. and the dream i had, it felt so good. i was so freaking happy in it. i'll work towards making it a reality. but until then, its time to make some kickass video for tcher's day.

through that dream i realised how simple i am. how easily i can be contented. even by just holding....


thanks a mil 0826. your visit really lifted my mood. i love each and every one of you guys. and to that Z.H.U-rian over there, i have no idea who you are but, thanks alot. its nice to know that NPCC is still behind me to support me.

those who are nice to me, i'll certainly hold you close.


i know i said i wont appear online anytime soon. but recent events that popped up has caused me to not stay off. i know no one comes here. i know what i say here is just only for me to vent. i know. yet there lies some secret hope that some people would read it.

you're right. a superhero has only this amount of power, and only 2 hands. right now, im a fireman, fighting a huge fire. the hose im carrying, is pumping all the water out it can, and the hose is releasing so much water, its thrashing about wildly. i need help behind me to help me control the wild hose. no one is behind me. theres a limit to the number of people i can save. its not impossible for me to save everyone. just that, either my powers run out, or i'll die before that happens.


you're right. everyone deserves the fate they choose. its our own choice that leads to our own destiny. its also your own choice, if u choose what you wish to keep, and what you wish to toss. theres absolutely nothing wrong. however, to quote from the GP comprehension i did recently, " there is no such thing called total freedom. certain of the wants of my freedom would intrude upon yours, and either one of us have to curtail our liberties."


i'm right. im just a person. im just but another guy, probably able to stay in your memories a little longer then others, no matter the reason, whether im funny, weird, or nice. since young, i never really bothered about the things people ask me to do. no matter the distance, no matter the gender, no matter how close i am to a person, i never really thought about the process and consequences when people ask me for a favour. the final outcome i want is to help another person achieve his/her target, and i helped along the way, and thats probably all that matters to me. i do not expect returns, yet sometimes i contradict myself.

now i've changed. i'm no longer playing games, i've started to work really hard. maybe i've become a mugger. maybe i have matured. i hope that my character did not change much, i hope that i am still the Samuel Lau that everyone knows me to be. but, my role now has changed. who am i?

just another guy? classmate? friend? close friend? sister? 0826-rian? crazy guy who knows nothing but fun and laughter? a trustworthy person you can always count on? something more then a friend? a retard? buddy? a loyal servant you can order around? enemy? demon? busybody? angel?

i've no idea. maybe i've aged. maybe i'm tired. maybe i cant care and keep my mind on so many things now. i dunno. maybe i need a rest. maybe i need someone who i can hold close, someone who i can really share who i really am. maybe, my want to help as many people as i can, is because i myself want someone who can do that for me. im growing weak. maybe its just because of the approaching a levels.

i dunno. but theres something i know i want. i want someone to read me. like a book.